The Lost Art of Seduction

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Before I get this party started, I will admit that I need to carry some of the blame for this disappearance. With that being said…

Men, I’m talking to you! Whatever happened to the art of seduction? I’m about to turn 39 and when I have sex, I swear it still feels like college dorm room level sex. So often we skip the preliminaries and go straight to sex. And not even good sex at that.

  1. Kiss.
  2. Boobs (five seconds tops).
  3. Insert penis in vagina.
  4. Repeat.

Ugh!

I love sex and I too, often rush it. But most of the time it is because I’m moving along with the speed of the man I’m with because I want him to lead. And even if I did say, “Slow down,” I don’t think he’d know what to do after that. He’d probably think I don’t want to have sex when that’s the exact opposite of what I want.

What I want, is to be seduced. Slowly. Intentionally.

Date 1- Do the normal talking and getting to know each other stuff. If the chemistry is flowing, go in for a kiss at the end of the date. French is fine, but only a taste. Just enough to let your date know you are attracted to each other. And then…STOP! Say goodnight.

Date 2- Continue getting to know each other. But now throw in some subtle, but not so subtle touches. Hold her hand and stroke the top with your thumb. When sitting, take her hand and place it on hers or your thigh, palm up, and then stroke your fiseduction 1ngers through hers and draw light circles on her palm. This is an erogenous zone for some women. Guide her when you walk with your hand at the small of her back, and stroke your thumb there. Kiss her at her doorstep, deepening the kiss for a little longer this time. And then…STOP! Say goodnight.

seduction 2Date 3- If you’re at this level, invite her over for Netflix and Chill. But surprise her. Instead of ‘Chill’ which we all know is code for sex, revert back to being a teenager and makeout aka dry-hump. Feel her up outside of her clothes and vice versa. Kiss and caress her neck, brush your thumbs over her cheeks as you kiss her, maybe even suck on her nipples, etc. Tell her what you want to do to her. Leave her breathless. Work yourself up and then…STOP! Say goodnight. Send her home in an Uber.

The point is, have some self-control. Make her and yourself crazy with want. To the point that when it does go down, you’re ripping each other’s clothes off. And when it does go down, DO NOT fall back into old habits and just stick it in. Engage in foreplay. Spend some time giving each breast some attention. Learn the fine art of cunnilingus. Trust me, she’ll thank you for it. If she’s into it, make sure she orgasms from it. And then…GO FOR IT! Say good morning.

Stop thinking sex is about how quickly you can shoot your load. Remember there is another human being involved, not just you. This isn’t a sprint between you and your hand. Her lady bits need just as much stimulation as your manly bits.

Any man who says he truly loves sex should also love pleasuring his partner. Moral of the story: Make her want a cigarette when she doesn’t even smoke.

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Freak on a Leash

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So I did one of those silly name tests on Facebook the other day. It was one where if you clicked on it, it would show you what type of mate you attract. It “calculated” my profile and said that I attract Freaks. I thought about it and honestly, for the most part out of the men I’ve dated and had relations with, that is totally false.

Now, I don’t expect those tests to be factually correct as much as fun. But when it comes to men and sex, more often than not they are not factually correct. So often women and men flirt and chat about our likes and dislikes sexually. Through texts, face to face dates, or over the phone. At least, I hope everyone is having open and honest discussions about their sexual desires. If you’re not, PLEASE start. It may not be all that a relationship is, but it’s certainly an important part of a relationship.

freak 1Anyway, I find that a man will call himself a freak or hint to the fact that he’s a freak or verbally agrees with my freaky tastes when I tell him about it. Then we’ll finally have sex and I’m wondering where this mythical legend ran off to. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’ll definitely hit the skins all night long. But loving lots of sex, a freak does not make. Though it helps.

A real freak pushes the boundaries of sex. They love to experiment and try new things. And I’m not just talking about switching up positions. I’m talking real freaky shit. When I say, I want to be tied up, that’s not a figure of speech. Tie my ass up. When I say I want to be spanked, don’t give me some weaksauce love taps, put some stichoking 4ng behind that shit. When I say, I want to be choked, flipping choke me. Sidenote: This is only when asked or it has been previously stated that it’s welcomed. And within the intensity level asked for. This is not an invitation to beat the shit out of someone or choke someone until they pass out or die. 

I told the last guy I was seeing that I liked to be spanked and I wanted to be choked. He talked a good game over the phone and made it seem like he was fully on board. And then when we finally consummated our friends with benefits relationship, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than the standard issue moves.

Everybody’s a freak until they meet a REAL one.

For a real freak, I can’t tell you how disappointing it is to be misled. Mainly, because you think you’ve finally found your sexual equal and you’ve gotten yourself all hyped up for some amazingly freaky shit to go down and…nothing. It’s like fixing your lips to taste some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and you find out you accidentally bought plain ass vanilla.

Just like I mentioned in my previous post, Cunnilingus Impostor, I beg of you, DO NOT pretend that you are into or enjoy something you, in fact, do not. In all aspects of relationships, just be yourself. If you pretend so that you don’t lose the person, you’re going to lose them anyway. when you reveal the real you. And all you did was waste both of your time.

And to men specifically…STOP SAYING YOU’RE A FREAK!!! Just say you like a lot of sex with nothing too crazy involved and keep it moving. Sheesh! Stick to your vanilla counterparts and leave us Double Chocolate Rocky Road Mint Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake ladies alone!

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Attack of the Unsolicited D*ck Pic!!!

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Photo Source: Huffington Post

 

You never know when it’s gonna hit. There you are, just minding your business, when…BAM! You’re hit with the unsolicited dick pic.

You’re frightened. Confused. And lastly, disgusted.

Who is this random person who thought it was a good idea to send you a picture of his junk with a toilet in the background or his dirty bedroom? Not only is it wrong, it lacks absolutely any artistic effort.

Why would anyone do this? The answer to that question is still a mystery to many of us. But I have my theories…

One, the unsolicited dick pic is about power. The power to force your privates on our unsuspecting eyes. The unsolicited dick pic is the new “flasher.”

You see, flashers get off on the power they get from forcing random people (usually women and girls) going about their everyday lives to see their naked bodies. But flashing can come with a heavy price. Shame and jail time.

Oh, but wait! Here comes the age of technology and the unsolicited dick pic is born! Those who are or would be flashers have a new outlet. And those who never dared, finally have a way to do it too. All without repercussions.

“I can flash the ladies my cock all day. Whether they want it or not and they can’t do anything about it. Muahahahaha!”

Now, I’ve talked to some ladies about the unsolicited dick pic and through those conversations, a general consensus has been deduced. Almost all of those pics have been little dicks.

What was that? Little dicks, you say? Yes, little dicks. Cocktail weiners. Pinky fingers. Baby dongs.

Why in the world would a man want to send a photo of his tiny dick to someone? Wouldn’t he want to keep that a secret until the very last minute?

Funny you would ask because that brings me to my second theory. Since it appears that mostly short dicked men are the ones sending the unsolicited dick pics, it would stand to reason that if it’s not because they are a closet flasher, it is for validation.

These men need validation. They need someone to lie to them and tell them they aren’t as small as they really are.

How did I come to this conclusion?

Well, the man I’m currently seeing has a pretty big snausage (yeah, you read that right) and he has never sent a dick pic. He’s never sexted or had phone sex for that matter. He’s a novice to all of it and isn’t entirely comfortable with it. A friend of mine says that her ex has a huge wang and he’s never sent her a dick pic. And like I said before from the conversations I’ve had with many women about the unsolicited dick pics they’ve received, they’re usually of the smaller variety.

Big dick men don’t need validation that they have big dicks. They already know it. Whether they know what to do with it, is a totally different story that I’ve already discussed in a previous post.

I’m not saying that tons of big dick men don’t send dick pics, unsolicited and welcomed. But the simple fact that so many little ones are sent on a constant basis is quite telling.

That goes for the Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic too. You know the guy. The one that has DMed you and you’ve only been talking for two seconds before he’s asking for a nude of you and/or if you want to see a nude of him. You’re super annoyed that he’s so quickly jumped on the sext parade, but for curiosity’s sake (because you’re a freak) you wanna see what he’s working with so you grudgingly accept his request. “I’m not sending you anything. I don’t know you like that, but you can send a pic if you want.” Next thing you know…BOOM! He drops that pic in your DM so quick and you’re like, “Seriously?! This fool wasted my time for this shit?!?!” The Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic is the biggest little dick offender out there.

These men are so damn eager to drop that tiny fucker. It almost appears that they’re proud of that shit. But then while you’re regrouping from laughing or finding a magnifying glass to see that crap better, they drop another line in your DM… “Do you like?” “Is it big enough?” “It’s not too small, is it?” Or some such question. Aka seeking validation. Sometimes you get the delusional ones. “I’ll beat the pussy up.” “Can you handle that?” And so on. That’s just false bravado. They’re still seeking validation, just a little less pathetically. They want you to agree that that shit is magnificent when you know damn well that you’re never going to even waste your time. One, because he didn’t even have the decency to carry on a conversation with you without begging to take it to the next level. Not even attempting to get to know you. Second, unless he has a proven track record of gold medal level cunnilingus, you don’t have time for little dicks.

Maybe we would have if you’d have given us a chance to get to know you first. A woman will give up a lot of things for a good man. Even big dick.

But like I told my friend, from now on when a man sends me an Unsolicited Dick Pic or even a Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic, I’m going to go into my library of ginormous dick pics (for my book research…DUH!) and I’m going to send it in response to theirs with the caption “Eh…I’ve seen better.”

What are your Unsolicited Dick Pic theories? Drop them in the comments.

Playing Sexual Hide & Seek

Peekaboo I see you…

I was just chatting with one of my homegirls about sex and what we like. We both like it a little rough with our men in bed. But alas, the men we’ve encountered are hesitant to take it to that level for fear of hurting us. Which is sweet, mind you. But not what we need sometimes. So she said that she would consider bringing it up on her next first date to get it out of the way up front. To which, I replied that I promised myself that I wouldn’t bring up sex on the first date anymore because I don’t want my date to think that’s all I’m interested in, leading to a booty call, friends with benefits, or one night stand.

The minute I typed it out, it pissed me off. Why can’t I just be myself upfront? I love sex! I love having it. I love writing about it. I love talking about it. I’m a sexual human being, with a healthy appetite. Why do I have to pretend I’m a prude in the beginning just so I can make some weak and close-minded man feel comfortable? So I can be worthy of a relationship? Why can’t I be both sexual and girlfriend material?

This is why y’all asses always find yourselves in bland ass relationships with women who don’t want to have sex with you. You want the illusion of a good girl, maybe even a virgin, and then when you fall into bed, you want her to become your favorite porn star. Umm…nah. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. Sorry. I mean, I’m sure it works out in your favor sometimes, but I’ve heard WAY too many sexless relationship horror stories to believe that method actually works out for you guys.

As the perpetual single gal, listening to the complaints of the coupled, I’ve heard it all. More often than not, it’s the same story: Annoyingly horny boyfriend/husband and the low-libido girlfriend/wife.

When will you learn?

Why are men so intimidated by a woman who knows what she wants sexually? Are they afraid that they won’t measure up? That she’ll demand more? Better?

I have noticed that men like to be lazy in bed and are perfectly fine with getting theirs and leaving us hanging. So maybe that prudish or low-libido lady will let you get away with not satisfying her because she’s just ready for you to get it over with?

Whatever it is, I truly wish that men would open their minds and close off their judgment and welcome sexually confident women. Because this double standard of men being allowed to be sexual beings while women are not is what leads to sexual incompatibility and disappointment.

Thoughts? Commentary?

Cunnilingus Impostor

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Nothing irritates me more than fake, phony, fraudulent people. Especially, when it comes to sex.

You see, I am who I am. Always have been and always will be. I don’t lie about myself or pretend to be something I’m not. That goes for in the bedroom as well.

If I tell a man that I enjoy bringing him pleasure through oral, you best believe that when the times comes, I will prove it.

We all do it. Have the conversation before we tumble into the bedroom. We brag and boast about our sexual prowess. We exchange likes and dislikes to see if we’re compatible sexually before we ever reach the bed or car or shower or wherever you end up.

Okay, maybe myself and other sexually open people have these discussions. Though I honestly think everyone should have honest and open talks about sex beforehand.

Anyway, we have these conversations and begin to get excited that we’ve found our sexual match. “Oh my gosh! He likes what I like.” Even better for a woman, “He likes going down. No…he loves going down!” It’s a rare treat to find.

You get all hyped up, ready for your date. You shower and spend extra time preparing Priscilla (Yeah, that’s right. I named her Priscilla). You meticulously shave her. Make sure she’s so fresh and so clean. You may even give her a taste and a smell with your index finger, just to be sure. All’s good in the neighborhood. You’re ready.

Your date has come to an end and it’s Go-time. You excuse yourself to the bathroom to give yourself another sniff and taste test. Still good to go. You come back out. You kiss passionately. So far so good. Clothes start coming off. Touches and kisses down the body ensue. He’s almost there. Then finally, he reaches the promise land. You mentioned during one of your talks that it takes you a while to come. And he responded with, “It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I love eating p*ssy. I’ll stay down there an hour if I need to.”

So now is the moment you’ve been banking on. Now is the time for him to prove it. It’s been five minutes tops (more like 2 or 3, but I’m trying to be generous) and he’s not doing too badly. Then suddenly he raises up and starts kissing back up your body.

Wait, what?! That’s it?!?! You scream in your head.

Disappointment floods you and taints the rest of the sexual encounter. You know without cunnilingus, you more than likely won’t come at all. Sidenote: About 80% of women can’t orgasm internally. At least not without the assistance of stimulation to the clit.

You like the guy because he seems like a stand-up individual in every other way. So just for good measure and against your better judgment, when it’s time to go down on him, you put it down just like you told him you would. He is f*cking dazzled. You think that maybe that would guilt him into improving for next time.

It doesn’t.

You realize…You’ve been bamboozled. Lied to. Scammed.

This mofo loves cunnilingus about as much as most of us like kale. It’s alright, but not something I want to eat all the time and in large quantities.

“I’ll f*ck it, but I ain’t eating it.” That’s what I think most men feel.

The biggest problem for me and I’m sure some other women out there is that I’ve seen the promise land. Hell, I’ve been there. And it was glorious. For any woman who has been with a man who actually loves cunnilingus. Who actually adores and worships p*ssy. You’ve been spoiled and ruined.

My ex was an a**hole, but that man could eat like a fat kid at a buffet. The first time, took forever. Like many females, you’re so in your head, worried about taking too long or if you smell and taste okay, that we almost never come the first time he goes down. But my ex went down at the beginning of the movie Hildago (Ha!) and was still going when that damn horse crossed the finish line. Unfortunately, I didn’t cross my finish line. But it was not from lack of trying on his part. But that’s how dedicated he was to getting me off. The next time we were together, though it still took me a while, I was finally able to reach that peak. It was glorious.

I used to say all the time that he would figuratively strap on an oxygen tank, slap on some goggles, and go down like he was deep sea diving.

When he went down he NEVER came back up without me finishing first. Even when I’d tell him to give up because I was taking too long. And that goes for the boyfriend I had before him.

So twice, I was blessed with cunnilingus experts. I know one when I feel one. You can’t pretend with me. You can’t fake that kind of dedication. That kind of praise to the p*ssy.

So men, or anyone about to crack their lips to tell a sexual lie, rethink it and be honest. Because she/he is going to find out anyway. And all it will do is disappoint.

Set her expectations low and aim higher than that. Don’t promise her the world and then give her a blade of grass.

The Sex Whisperer

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Recently, I’ve realized that I have a special calling… Sex Whisperer. *says in soft breathy voice*

Let me explain…

Being a woman who has openly and enthusiastically talked about sex since I was a senior in high school, talking to my friends about it every day at lunch, buying PlayGirl magazines, reading bodice-ripper novels and renting NC-17 or X-rated movies in secret once I turned 18; it’s no wonder I write about it for a living. As well as comfortable with the act itself.

Sex has always fascinated me. ALWAYS!!! I can’t remember a time I wasn’t curious about it. Because of that, I am a sexually open woman. I love to try new things to keep it spicy. When I learned what BDSM was, I was like “So that’s what’s wrong with me!” Not that there’s anything wrong with the lifestyle, but that I wanted a little pain with my pleasure and always thought I was strange because of it. It’s an amazing thing when you find your tribe. Though, keep in mind, I haven’t actually been able to get into the lifestyle as of yet.

Why?

Well, because for some odd reason I attract men who are prudes or sexually repressed due to the vanilla women they’ve been with. There’s nothing wrong with prudes or vanilla sex. I just prefer…more.

So anyway, these men that come into my life are dying inside to come out of their shell. Then here I am, outgoing, open-minded, and completely encouraging. And slowly, they emerge out of their shells like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. Sometimes, not so slowly as they come barreling out like a bull out of a bullpen in their excitement. Doing things they’ve never done before. Enjoying sex in a way they haven’t be able to in a long time, if ever.

I am their Sex Whisperer.

They tell me what they’re interested in, almost embarrassed and I listen openly and am usually willing to give it a try. They become more vocal before, during, and after sex. I even make them feel more confident with praise and compliments. Sometimes they find fetishes that they like that they never knew or had the chance to enjoy.

I can see why so many relationships don’t work in regards to sex. People need to be more open about their wants and needs. Ladies, ask your man what he really wants and don’t turn your nose up when he tells you. Just hear him out. Maybe what he wants will be enjoyable for you too. Men, be honest about what you want because if you’re not upfront, you’ll seek it out somewhere else, which will hurt your partner.

And another thing ladies, let your freak flag fly. Stop worrying about what people will think about you. If you’re honest and they don’t like it and walk away, oh well. It’s their loss. You would’ve been miserable anyway. Don’t sexually repress yourself because of what society might think.

As for myself, can I just find a man who is already a freak and doesn’t need to be taught? A man who encourages, praises, and compliments me for a change? I love it and it makes me feel good to uplift a man, but can a sister get some of that in return?

I need some ass-smacking, foul-mouthed talking, neck-choking, rope-tying, flogger-welding, call me Sir Dominant in the bedroom and a sweetheart everywhere else. I got plenty of meat on my bones, I won’t break.

I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. Until then, I guess it’ll be my mission to heal these poor repressed souls.

Sidenote: I know that it’s not always about sex. It’s more about communication and a deep connection with your partner. I want just as much stimulation outside of the bedroom as I do in it. But for the sake of this post, it’s all about the sex. 😉

ATTENTION BOYS: Learn How to Please Your Lady in Bed!!!

how please a woman

And it is absolutely not porn!

This subject comes up because of a conversation I had last night with the next door neighbor. For Christmas one year, my mom had given her my Struck Series, which is an Erotic Romance series. Recently, her husband who has never picked up a book to read has decided to start reading my books during trips to the john. Now, he’s trying to get a little spicier in bed and asking her sexual questions. Like, “Have you ever done that when we do this?”

This got me to thinking. I’ve read articles about men not really knowing how to please a woman in bed. I’ve given men sex advice. And I’ve talked to other women who have been with men that had no idea what they were doing. I, myself have been with men that have no idea what they’re doing.

How is this possible?!?

As much as you guys love sex, talk about sex, think about sex, watch sex, and try to find ways to get sex; how have you not figured out what gets a woman off? The only logical answer is that you simply don’t give a shit or you think sticking your dick in a vagina is enough to get her there. Well, I hate to burst your bubble boys but you’re gonna have to put in more work than that. I know some of you puff out your chests with pride, thinking that you laid down some good pipe. Little do you know, that often after that your lady will call her friends and say “He thought he was doing something. Luckily, I have my Rabbit to finish the job.” For the clueless, the Rabbit is a phenomenal vibrator that is a magnificent replacement.

Anyway, there is no excuse for your continued ignorance with the plethora of information at your disposal nowadays. And please, NO PORN!!! I love porn as much as the next sexually progressive female, but it is not a good example of how to pleasure a woman. Most of those women don’t even orgasm. They’re faking for you, their audience, as much as your wife, girlfriend, or booty call may be faking it for you. All in an effort to boost your ego. Also, the rough nature in which many male pornstars treat their female co-stars isn’t something most ladies want when they get with you.

Well, where do I learn, you ask?

A good place to find out information on how to please your lady is in magazines. Magazines always have articles about this kind of stuff. But, if you don’t want to read it in a magazine, then all you have to do is go to Google or Bing and type in ‘How to pleasure a woman’. BAM!!! A whole slew of stuff should come up. Articles and videos if you don’t want to read, which I know many of you don’t.

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Another great place to find out what your woman wants is right there on her nightstand. You know, that novel you’ve been rolling your eyes at every time she picks it up or talks to her friends over the phone or on social media about. The book that has that damn book boyfriend she’s always gushing over. Well, there is a reason for all that gushing. Erotic Romance hasn’t become one of the most popular genres for nothing.

So boys, put down those XBox controllers. Turn off SportsCenter. Pick up a beer and crack open her newest or favorite erotic romance and get to reading why she sighs and stares off into space after she finished reading it.

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Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. While your buddies may be laughing at you, your girl’s toes will be curling as you take her into another stratosphere. And their girls will be listening on with envy as she tells them how amazing you’ve become in bed. Just saying…

***I do not own the rights to these photos. They are the sole property of the copyright holder.***