Playing Sexual Hide & Seek

Peekaboo I see you…

I was just chatting with one of my homegirls about sex and what we like. We both like it a little rough with our men in bed. But alas, the men we’ve encountered are hesitant to take it to that level for fear of hurting us. Which is sweet, mind you. But not what we need sometimes. So she said that she would consider bringing it up on her next first date to get it out of the way up front. To which, I replied that I promised myself that I wouldn’t bring up sex on the first date anymore because I don’t want my date to think that’s all I’m interested in, leading to a booty call, friends with benefits, or one night stand.

The minute I typed it out, it pissed me off. Why can’t I just be myself upfront? I love sex! I love having it. I love writing about it. I love talking about it. I’m a sexual human being, with a healthy appetite. Why do I have to pretend I’m a prude in the beginning just so I can make some weak and close-minded man feel comfortable? So I can be worthy of a relationship? Why can’t I be both sexual and girlfriend material?

This is why y’all asses always find yourselves in bland ass relationships with women who don’t want to have sex with you. You want the illusion of a good girl, maybe even a virgin, and then when you fall into bed, you want her to become your favorite porn star. Umm…nah. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. Sorry. I mean, I’m sure it works out in your favor sometimes, but I’ve heard WAY too many sexless relationship horror stories to believe that method actually works out for you guys.

As the perpetual single gal, listening to the complaints of the coupled, I’ve heard it all. More often than not, it’s the same story: Annoyingly horny boyfriend/husband and the low-libido girlfriend/wife.

When will you learn?

Why are men so intimidated by a woman who knows what she wants sexually? Are they afraid that they won’t measure up? That she’ll demand more? Better?

I have noticed that men like to be lazy in bed and are perfectly fine with getting theirs and leaving us hanging. So maybe that prudish or low-libido lady will let you get away with not satisfying her because she’s just ready for you to get it over with?

Whatever it is, I truly wish that men would open their minds and close off their judgment and welcome sexually confident women. Because this double standard of men being allowed to be sexual beings while women are not is what leads to sexual incompatibility and disappointment.

Thoughts? Commentary?

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The Sex Whisperer

sex-whisperer

Recently, I’ve realized that I have a special calling… Sex Whisperer. *says in soft breathy voice*

Let me explain…

Being a woman who has openly and enthusiastically talked about sex since I was a senior in high school, talking to my friends about it every day at lunch, buying PlayGirl magazines, reading bodice-ripper novels and renting NC-17 or X-rated movies in secret once I turned 18; it’s no wonder I write about it for a living. As well as comfortable with the act itself.

Sex has always fascinated me. ALWAYS!!! I can’t remember a time I wasn’t curious about it. Because of that, I am a sexually open woman. I love to try new things to keep it spicy. When I learned what BDSM was, I was like “So that’s what’s wrong with me!” Not that there’s anything wrong with the lifestyle, but that I wanted a little pain with my pleasure and always thought I was strange because of it. It’s an amazing thing when you find your tribe. Though, keep in mind, I haven’t actually been able to get into the lifestyle as of yet.

Why?

Well, because for some odd reason I attract men who are prudes or sexually repressed due to the vanilla women they’ve been with. There’s nothing wrong with prudes or vanilla sex. I just prefer…more.

So anyway, these men that come into my life are dying inside to come out of their shell. Then here I am, outgoing, open-minded, and completely encouraging. And slowly, they emerge out of their shells like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. Sometimes, not so slowly as they come barreling out like a bull out of a bullpen in their excitement. Doing things they’ve never done before. Enjoying sex in a way they haven’t be able to in a long time, if ever.

I am their Sex Whisperer.

They tell me what they’re interested in, almost embarrassed and I listen openly and am usually willing to give it a try. They become more vocal before, during, and after sex. I even make them feel more confident with praise and compliments. Sometimes they find fetishes that they like that they never knew or had the chance to enjoy.

I can see why so many relationships don’t work in regards to sex. People need to be more open about their wants and needs. Ladies, ask your man what he really wants and don’t turn your nose up when he tells you. Just hear him out. Maybe what he wants will be enjoyable for you too. Men, be honest about what you want because if you’re not upfront, you’ll seek it out somewhere else, which will hurt your partner.

And another thing ladies, let your freak flag fly. Stop worrying about what people will think about you. If you’re honest and they don’t like it and walk away, oh well. It’s their loss. You would’ve been miserable anyway. Don’t sexually repress yourself because of what society might think.

As for myself, can I just find a man who is already a freak and doesn’t need to be taught? A man who encourages, praises, and compliments me for a change? I love it and it makes me feel good to uplift a man, but can a sister get some of that in return?

I need some ass-smacking, foul-mouthed talking, neck-choking, rope-tying, flogger-welding, call me Sir Dominant in the bedroom and a sweetheart everywhere else. I got plenty of meat on my bones, I won’t break.

I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. Until then, I guess it’ll be my mission to heal these poor repressed souls.

Sidenote: I know that it’s not always about sex. It’s more about communication and a deep connection with your partner. I want just as much stimulation outside of the bedroom as I do in it. But for the sake of this post, it’s all about the sex. 😉