Attack of the Unsolicited D*ck Pic!!!

headache

Photo Source: Huffington Post

 

You never know when it’s gonna hit. There you are, just minding your business, when…BAM! You’re hit with the unsolicited dick pic.

You’re frightened. Confused. And lastly, disgusted.

Who is this random person who thought it was a good idea to send you a picture of his junk with a toilet in the background or his dirty bedroom? Not only is it wrong, it lacks absolutely any artistic effort.

Why would anyone do this? The answer to that question is still a mystery to many of us. But I have my theories…

One, the unsolicited dick pic is about power. The power to force your privates on our unsuspecting eyes. The unsolicited dick pic is the new “flasher.”

You see, flashers get off on the power they get from forcing random people (usually women and girls) going about their everyday lives to see their naked bodies. But flashing can come with a heavy price. Shame and jail time.

Oh, but wait! Here comes the age of technology and the unsolicited dick pic is born! Those who are or would be flashers have a new outlet. And those who never dared, finally have a way to do it too. All without repercussions.

“I can flash the ladies my cock all day. Whether they want it or not and they can’t do anything about it. Muahahahaha!”

Now, I’ve talked to some ladies about the unsolicited dick pic and through those conversations, a general consensus has been deduced. Almost all of those pics have been little dicks.

What was that? Little dicks, you say? Yes, little dicks. Cocktail weiners. Pinky fingers. Baby dongs.

Why in the world would a man want to send a photo of his tiny dick to someone? Wouldn’t he want to keep that a secret until the very last minute?

Funny you would ask because that brings me to my second theory. Since it appears that mostly short dicked men are the ones sending the unsolicited dick pics, it would stand to reason that if it’s not because they are a closet flasher, it is for validation.

These men need validation. They need someone to lie to them and tell them they aren’t as small as they really are.

How did I come to this conclusion?

Well, the man I’m currently seeing has a pretty big snausage (yeah, you read that right) and he has never sent a dick pic. He’s never sexted or had phone sex for that matter. He’s a novice to all of it and isn’t entirely comfortable with it. A friend of mine says that her ex has a huge wang and he’s never sent her a dick pic. And like I said before from the conversations I’ve had with many women about the unsolicited dick pics they’ve received, they’re usually of the smaller variety.

Big dick men don’t need validation that they have big dicks. They already know it. Whether they know what to do with it, is a totally different story that I’ve already discussed in a previous post.

I’m not saying that tons of big dick men don’t send dick pics, unsolicited and welcomed. But the simple fact that so many little ones are sent on a constant basis is quite telling.

That goes for the Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic too. You know the guy. The one that has DMed you and you’ve only been talking for two seconds before he’s asking for a nude of you and/or if you want to see a nude of him. You’re super annoyed that he’s so quickly jumped on the sext parade, but for curiosity’s sake (because you’re a freak) you wanna see what he’s working with so you grudgingly accept his request. “I’m not sending you anything. I don’t know you like that, but you can send a pic if you want.” Next thing you know…BOOM! He drops that pic in your DM so quick and you’re like, “Seriously?! This fool wasted my time for this shit?!?!” The Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic is the biggest little dick offender out there.

These men are so damn eager to drop that tiny fucker. It almost appears that they’re proud of that shit. But then while you’re regrouping from laughing or finding a magnifying glass to see that crap better, they drop another line in your DM… “Do you like?” “Is it big enough?” “It’s not too small, is it?” Or some such question. Aka seeking validation. Sometimes you get the delusional ones. “I’ll beat the pussy up.” “Can you handle that?” And so on. That’s just false bravado. They’re still seeking validation, just a little less pathetically. They want you to agree that that shit is magnificent when you know damn well that you’re never going to even waste your time. One, because he didn’t even have the decency to carry on a conversation with you without begging to take it to the next level. Not even attempting to get to know you. Second, unless he has a proven track record of gold medal level cunnilingus, you don’t have time for little dicks.

Maybe we would have if you’d have given us a chance to get to know you first. A woman will give up a lot of things for a good man. Even big dick.

But like I told my friend, from now on when a man sends me an Unsolicited Dick Pic or even a Grudgingly-Solicited Dick Pic, I’m going to go into my library of ginormous dick pics (for my book research…DUH!) and I’m going to send it in response to theirs with the caption “Eh…I’ve seen better.”

What are your Unsolicited Dick Pic theories? Drop them in the comments.

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Big D Doesn’t Always Equal Big O

So, we as women often fantasize about finding the Big D. Dreams of 7, 8, or 9+ inch wangs dancing around our heads like candy-coated gumdrops. We imagine finding the Holy Grail of cock and it hitting all the right spots. Sending uncontrollable tremors through our thighs and cramps in our curled toes. Le sigh…

Though often, an orgasm is not what you’ll get. Your legs will shake, alright. Only because he’s tilting your uterus! Trust me, I dream of Big D just as much as the next girl. Hell, I even write about it! But after talks with friends and other females and my own experiences…Big D might not be all that it’s cracked up to be.

My theory…

I’ve heard men say that they’ve met a super hot chick and was so stoked to get her home. Once they’re in the middle of bumping nasties, they realized, “this isn’t even close to what I imagined it would be.” Many times this is because the hot chick thinks that she doesn’t have to put forth much effort because…well…”I’m hot! He’s lucky I’m even giving him a shot.” Now get with the “chubby girl” (I’m one of them) or the girl that’s not classicly pretty and she may put forth some more effort. Usually, because we feel that we have too, to compete with the “hot chicks” of the world.

This is the same with a big dick man. He thinks “I’ve got a big cock, that should be enough.” And they think we should be thanking our lucky stars that we’re getting the long arm of the law laid on us. Then they’re off. Pounding away like a jackhammer through concrete. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need some prep work. *knock on door* Let me introduce the Average dick man. The 5 and 6-incher…or less. They’re not huge and they know it. So they feel the need to throw in some extras to overcompensate. Many have mastered the art of cunnilingus. They can throw down like it’s a bucket of chicken. “Finger licking good!” I have experienced both of these men firsthand.

Now I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions to the rule on either side. Some guys could have big Ds and also be overall good lovers. And some Average Joes could be lazy in bed. Same with the “hot chick” and not so hot chick. But considering that “About 75% of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone – that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10-15% never climax under any circumstances”(ABCNews), it’s obvious that Big D more often than not, doesn’t really get the job done. Plus, I’ve heard quite a few women say that they can’t enjoy different positions with their Big Dick man. Let’s shed a tear for no Doggystyle or Reverse Cowgirl… 😥

So instead of judging a man so harshly on his lack of length, we might want to wait and see what other tricks he might have up his sleeve or shall I say mouth.

~Twyla

Disclaimer: I mean no offense to “hot chicks” or “chubby girls”. Everyone has their own definition of hot. I’m just going off of society’s messed up standards. As well as conversations and things I’ve experienced.