Before I get this party started, I will admit that I need to carry some of the blame for this disappearance. With that being said…
Men, I’m talking to you! Whatever happened to the art of seduction? I’m about to turn 39 and when I have sex, I swear it still feels like college dorm room level sex. So often we skip the preliminaries and go straight to sex. And not even good sex at that.
- Boobs (five seconds tops).
- Insert penis in vagina.
I love sex and I too, often rush it. But most of the time it is because I’m moving along with the speed of the man I’m with because I want him to lead. And even if I did say, “Slow down,” I don’t think he’d know what to do after that. He’d probably think I don’t want to have sex when that’s the exact opposite of what I want.
What I want, is to be seduced. Slowly. Intentionally.
Date 1- Do the normal talking and getting to know each other stuff. If the chemistry is flowing, go in for a kiss at the end of the date. French is fine, but only a taste. Just enough to let your date know you are attracted to each other. And then…STOP! Say goodnight.
Date 2- Continue getting to know each other. But now throw in some subtle, but not so subtle touches. Hold her hand and stroke the top with your thumb. When sitting, take her hand and place it on hers or your thigh, palm up, and then stroke your fingers through hers and draw light circles on her palm. This is an erogenous zone for some women. Guide her when you walk with your hand at the small of her back, and stroke your thumb there. Kiss her at her doorstep, deepening the kiss for a little longer this time. And then…STOP! Say goodnight.
Date 3- If you’re at this level, invite her over for Netflix and Chill. But surprise her. Instead of ‘Chill’ which we all know is code for sex, revert back to being a teenager and makeout aka dry-hump. Feel her up outside of her clothes and vice versa. Kiss and caress her neck, brush your thumbs over her cheeks as you kiss her, maybe even suck on her nipples, etc. Tell her what you want to do to her. Leave her breathless. Work yourself up and then…STOP! Say goodnight. Send her home in an Uber.
The point is, have some self-control. Make her and yourself crazy with want. To the point that when it does go down, you’re ripping each other’s clothes off. And when it does go down, DO NOT fall back into old habits and just stick it in. Engage in foreplay. Spend some time giving each breast some attention. Learn the fine art of cunnilingus. Trust me, she’ll thank you for it. If she’s into it, make sure she orgasms from it. And then…GO FOR IT! Say good morning.
Stop thinking sex is about how quickly you can shoot your load. Remember there is another human being involved, not just you. This isn’t a sprint between you and your hand. Her lady bits need just as much stimulation as your manly bits.
Any man who says he truly loves sex should also love pleasuring his partner. Moral of the story: Make her want a cigarette when she doesn’t even smoke.