Freak on a Leash

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So I did one of those silly name tests on Facebook the other day. It was one where if you clicked on it, it would show you what type of mate you attract. It “calculated” my profile and said that I attract Freaks. I thought about it and honestly, for the most part out of the men I’ve dated and had relations with, that is totally false.

Now, I don’t expect those tests to be factually correct as much as fun. But when it comes to men and sex, more often than not they are not factually correct. So often women and men flirt and chat about our likes and dislikes sexually. Through texts, face to face dates, or over the phone. At least, I hope everyone is having open and honest discussions about their sexual desires. If you’re not, PLEASE start. It may not be all that a relationship is, but it’s certainly an important part of a relationship.

freak 1Anyway, I find that a man will call himself a freak or hint to the fact that he’s a freak or verbally agrees with my freaky tastes when I tell him about it. Then we’ll finally have sex and I’m wondering where this mythical legend ran off to. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’ll definitely hit the skins all night long. But loving lots of sex, a freak does not make. Though it helps.

A real freak pushes the boundaries of sex. They love to experiment and try new things. And I’m not just talking about switching up positions. I’m talking real freaky shit. When I say, I want to be tied up, that’s not a figure of speech. Tie my ass up. When I say I want to be spanked, don’t give me some weaksauce love taps, put some stichoking 4ng behind that shit. When I say, I want to be choked, flipping choke me. Sidenote: This is only when asked or it has been previously stated that it’s welcomed. And within the intensity level asked for. This is not an invitation to beat the shit out of someone or choke someone until they pass out or die. 

I told the last guy I was seeing that I liked to be spanked and I wanted to be choked. He talked a good game over the phone and made it seem like he was fully on board. And then when we finally consummated our friends with benefits relationship, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than the standard issue moves.

Everybody’s a freak until they meet a REAL one.

For a real freak, I can’t tell you how disappointing it is to be misled. Mainly, because you think you’ve finally found your sexual equal and you’ve gotten yourself all hyped up for some amazingly freaky shit to go down and…nothing. It’s like fixing your lips to taste some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and you find out you accidentally bought plain ass vanilla.

Just like I mentioned in my previous post, Cunnilingus Impostor, I beg of you, DO NOT pretend that you are into or enjoy something you, in fact, do not. In all aspects of relationships, just be yourself. If you pretend so that you don’t lose the person, you’re going to lose them anyway. when you reveal the real you. And all you did was waste both of your time.

And to men specifically…STOP SAYING YOU’RE A FREAK!!! Just say you like a lot of sex with nothing too crazy involved and keep it moving. Sheesh! Stick to your vanilla counterparts and leave us Double Chocolate Rocky Road Mint Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake ladies alone!

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