The Problem with Natural Black Hair


I lied… THERE IS NO PROBLEM!!! Do you see this gloriousness?!?! When I see pictures of a group of naturalistas I almost feel giddy. Because it is a beautiful sight. Hell, even when I see a crowd of black women with natural, relaxed, wigs, short, long, braids, afros, locs, etc, my heart swells with pride at the stunning variety.

In fact, if you think about it, if when we, as black women, see a group of stunning natural sistahs and are struck with pride, envy, and awe, imagine what those who aren’t black feel. Which is why there is a “problem” with natural hair.




They can lie all they want and say that natural hair is threatening, unruly, unprofessional, etc. What they’re really saying (especially after seeing beauty magazines try to copy our style, but with different names) is, “I’m so f*cking jealous of what you can do with your hair and pull it off so effortlessly. You’re hair is cool and trendy and unique and I can’t compete with that ish. So instead, I’m going to make you feel ugly and inferior.”

I’ve made it my life’s purpose to watch and pay attention to why people do what they do. I’m a writer and what motivates people is something I’ve always been interested in. So I notice these things. It won’t be true in every case, of course. But I’m telling you, more often than not, it is so very much about the jealousy.


If it wasn’t, folks wouldn’t try so hard to emulate what we do…

And for me, personally, I don’t care if you want to copy our style (aka culturally appropriate) as long as you:

  1. Don’t rename it to try and make it your own (That’s just rude and stealing) See: Cornrows [the real name] aka Boxer Braids [the bullsh*t made up name], Bantu Knots [the real name] aka Twisted Mini Buns [the bullsh*t made up name], so on and so forth
  2. When sh*t goes down and black people or any other races that you sample from, are treated poorly, get your ass up and fight along with us
  3. Don’t tell us that our hair is unacceptable at work or anywhere else for that matter and then wear the same style (just renamed) a minute later.

Because after all, imitation is the highest form of flattery. Just so long as you give credit where credit is due. And the credit goes to our maker who made us in his image and our creativity to manage what he gave us. Please, respect it.

And for the rest of us, let’s enjoy, revel, and be proud of what was given to us naturally. For it is beautiful.


***I do not own the rights to these photos.***

The Sex Whisperer


Recently, I’ve realized that I have a special calling… Sex Whisperer. *says in soft breathy voice*

Let me explain…

Being a woman who has openly and enthusiastically talked about sex since I was a senior in high school, talking to my friends about it every day at lunch, buying PlayGirl magazines, reading bodice-ripper novels and renting NC-17 or X-rated movies in secret once I turned 18; it’s no wonder I write about it for a living. As well as comfortable with the act itself.

Sex has always fascinated me. ALWAYS!!! I can’t remember a time I wasn’t curious about it. Because of that, I am a sexually open woman. I love to try new things to keep it spicy. When I learned what BDSM was, I was like “So that’s what’s wrong with me!” Not that there’s anything wrong with the lifestyle, but that I wanted a little pain with my pleasure and always thought I was strange because of it. It’s an amazing thing when you find your tribe. Though, keep in mind, I haven’t actually been able to get into the lifestyle as of yet.


Well, because for some odd reason I attract men who are prudes or sexually repressed due to the vanilla women they’ve been with. There’s nothing wrong with prudes or vanilla sex. I just prefer…more.

So anyway, these men that come into my life are dying inside to come out of their shell. Then here I am, outgoing, open-minded, and completely encouraging. And slowly, they emerge out of their shells like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. Sometimes, not so slowly as they come barreling out like a bull out of a bullpen in their excitement. Doing things they’ve never done before. Enjoying sex in a way they haven’t be able to in a long time, if ever.

I am their Sex Whisperer.

They tell me what they’re interested in, almost embarrassed and I listen openly and am usually willing to give it a try. They become more vocal before, during, and after sex. I even make them feel more confident with praise and compliments. Sometimes they find fetishes that they like that they never knew or had the chance to enjoy.

I can see why so many relationships don’t work in regards to sex. People need to be more open about their wants and needs. Ladies, ask your man what he really wants and don’t turn your nose up when he tells you. Just hear him out. Maybe what he wants will be enjoyable for you too. Men, be honest about what you want because if you’re not upfront, you’ll seek it out somewhere else, which will hurt your partner.

And another thing ladies, let your freak flag fly. Stop worrying about what people will think about you. If you’re honest and they don’t like it and walk away, oh well. It’s their loss. You would’ve been miserable anyway. Don’t sexually repress yourself because of what society might think.

As for myself, can I just find a man who is already a freak and doesn’t need to be taught? A man who encourages, praises, and compliments me for a change? I love it and it makes me feel good to uplift a man, but can a sister get some of that in return?

I need some ass-smacking, foul-mouthed talking, neck-choking, rope-tying, flogger-welding, call me Sir Dominant in the bedroom and a sweetheart everywhere else. I got plenty of meat on my bones, I won’t break.

I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. Until then, I guess it’ll be my mission to heal these poor repressed souls.

Sidenote: I know that it’s not always about sex. It’s more about communication and a deep connection with your partner. I want just as much stimulation outside of the bedroom as I do in it. But for the sake of this post, it’s all about the sex. 😉