Do you remember as a kid picking the vibrant petals off of a helpless flower in order to figure out if a boy loved you?
I do. I did it all the time. And I think it seriously f*cked with my head. Instead of saying, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ we should’ve been saying, ‘do I love him, do I love him not?’
You see, I just had a small epiphany this morning. A sort of breakthrough, if you will.
I am currently, for the first time in years, in the hopes of dating someone. We don’t know each other yet, but there seems to be an attraction between us physically and I’m anxious to see if that attraction will go anywhere (mentally, intellectually, spiritually, etc). Now, as an expert overanalyzer, I have a habit of hoping and praying that whatever guy I’m interested in likes me. And shortly after waking up this morning I had to tell myself, “Wait a minute! How about I hope that I like him too!”
You see. I was so focused on wanting to be liked that I wasn’t focusing on how important it is for me to like him as well. It’s like, ‘Hold up! He has to impress me just as much as I have to impress him.” And I think focusing on being liked, is what gets us in trouble. It’s what gets us walked on and treated like yesterday’s leftovers.
The last guy I dated, who put a very bad taste in my mouth, walked all over me. I let him. All because I wanted him to love me. And when I look back, I barely even liked that dick stain. I was in love with someone that I didn’t even like. Or better put, I was in love with the idea of love. I was in love with the potential of this man, but not the man himself. And all because of my need to be liked/loved.
Don’t get me wrong. Of course, I want the person I’m feeling to like or love me. But I can’t lose sight of the fact that I’m an important part of this relationship or potential relationship too. Relationships are a two-way street.
It’s all about being present in the moment. If you’re off thinking about your future tiptoeing through the tulips in your wedding dress and him in his tux, him making you breakfast in bed, buying you flowers on Valentine’s Day, so on and so forth. You’ll be too busy in the present to pay attention to the fact that he’s eyeballing the waitress, asking you to foot the bill on the first date, burping rudely at the table, or only looking down your cleavage instead of in your eyes. That is how you fall in love with someone you don’t even like.
I think if everyone, woman or man, goes into a possible relationship with the thought of ‘I hope we like each other’ versus ‘I hope he/she likes me,’ our relationships would be off to a much better start.
Think about it.
***I do not own the rights to this photograph.