Things that Make You Go…Hmm. And Then Call Bullsh*t!

Thinking woman

Photo source: / Artist: Rido

So time and time again, Black women are cast aside for women of other races. Many black men are turning up their noses at us like they weren’t raised by or grew up with us. And men of other races are often hesitant to make advances towards us for fear or seemingly out of lack of interest. Well, I’m here to tell ya, I call bullsh*t! And the source for my reasons on calling BS will probably surprise you.

Whether people want to admit it or not, we watch a crap ton of porn. It can be quite surprising to know those who log onto porn sites. Well in 2015, some data was collected by the pretty popular site, PornHub. Buzzfeed created a video with the stats and I was floored by the results. To sum up the points I’d like to make:

They calculated the Top 3 Searched Categories by men. The 3rd most searched category? Ebony

With men making up 76% of the viewers, the #1 (NUMBER FREAKIN’ 1!!!) searched category by all viewers age 35-44? Black 

And the #3 searched category by all viewers age 55-64? Black

Now 24% of those viewers, granted, are female (mind you the top 3 categories for women are Lesbian/Gay(Male)/Big D*ck). But still that’s a high percentage of men looking up Black/Ebony. Especially, considering no one seems interested in Black women.



IR Relationship chart

Photo source: Blogher site



The next thing that surprised me was a study done back in 2010 on whether interracial marriages are more likely to end in divorce. All couples were compared to White man/White woman couples. Couples made up of White men/Black women were 44% less likely to end in divorce compared to White men/White women. They even make a side note that couples made up of Black men/Black women were less likely to end in divorce than other marriages. In fact, it seems as if couples made up of one-half Black women, tend to last longer than many couples, same race or interracial.

So you mean to tell me that as far as porn is concerned, Black women are the most wanted, at least sexually, by ALL men, especially in certain age ranges? And often times, we can hold a relationship together better than other women, yet we’re the most overlooked?

Again, I call bullsh*t!

These men need to come out of the closet and start making their interest known. Who knows, you might find yourself in a long-lasting relationship.

Sidenote: I’m sure more extensive research needs to go into these studies to see what factors affect the results of these studies and my theory developed from them.


Bodyshamers: My Body is None of Your F**king Business!

In this installment of Insightful Saturdays, I’d like to continue the discussion about our bodies and physical health.

More and more lately, people feel that they have the right to bash, insult, or give unwanted advice about someone else’s body. Particularly, women’s bodies. Social media has made it seem almost acceptable to anonymously talk smack about women that aren’t society’s idea of beautiful. Especially, overweight women.

First of all, less than 5% of women actually achieve the media’s beauty standard. So for those who are opening their mouths to speak on someone else’s body, what issues do you have? What parts of your body are flabby, boney, wonky, or “undesirable”? Hmm? Let’s not throw stones at glass houses, por favor.

Second, you have no idea what is going on in that person’s life. Maybe they just lost a loved one and the only way they coped was through food. Possibly they learned they had a medical issue and had to take medication that caused weight gain. Or what if they were 500 lbs and now they’re 300 and they’re wearing something they never would’ve been able to wear at 500 lbs. That’s an amazing accomplishment to have lost 200 lbs and here you come calling them names and being cruel, when they’re actually working hard on the very thing you’re teasing them over.

Or you know what? Maybe, just possibly, they are happy just as they are. You pretending as if you truly care about this stranger’s health, in the end still isn’t any of your concern or business. NEWSFLASH!!! MOST OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE KNOW IT CAN BE UNHEALTHY! But for whatever reason they either can’t lose the weight, don’t want to lose the weight, or aren’t ready to lose the weight. Trust me, when they are ready, they will change. And it more than likely won’t be because some douchebag called them a fatty and told them to kill themselves.

Third, just because someone is overweight, does not make them quite as unhealthy or out of shape as you may think. And just because a person is slender, does not mean they are the pinnacle of good health and fitness. In the 6th and 7th grade, I was overweight and I was on the basketball team and ran cross-country, respectively. In gym class in high school, I had just as much if not more stamina than the more slender girls in class. The size 16 model Ashley Graham went head to head with a size 2 model in a health test. Ashley beat the slender model in three out of four health tests and only scored one point lower than the slender model in the fourth test. Ashley said that she eats relatively healthy and works out regularly. While the slender model admitted to not working out at all.

A prime example of someone that is naturally slender and someone that easily gains weight is one of my best friends, who shall remain nameless, and her husband. She has always been very slender, but can put away some serious food and not the healthy kind either. Before she and her husband got together, he was at a normal weight. The weekend of their wedding a few years ago, she told me that he was self-conscious of his weight because he’d gained since being with her while she remained the same. I visited them recently and he had gotten even heavier and she was, of course, still the same. He eats what she eats. Her activities are similar to his. Her husband is literally a direct reflection of what her insides look like. Being naturally slender isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. At least my body tells me that I’m being unhealthy when I step on that scale. Without any indicators, how do you know you’ve got fat building up around your heart?

If you’re really that concerned with everyone’s health like you pretend to be when you see someone overweight, then make sure you tell your skinny friend that eats shit and sits around doing nothing the same thing that you’d tell your fat friend. Because I’m almost positive that 80% of every group of friends has that one unhealthy skinny friend and the fat friend. How many of you are bypassing the skinny friend to reprimand your fat friend?

I, myself have taken the steps to become a healthier more active person this year. And it has less to do with weight and more to do with just being healthier in general. My goal isn’t even to be skinny. It’s to get back to a size 13/14, because I personally loved the way I looked then, at a time that I didn’t appreciate it. I was healthier than some of my slender friends and though I believe women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, I personally think a woman with meat on her bones is more attractive than not. Which is why I made this meme…


In fact, I have a Thickspiration board on Pinterest. And you wanna know which pic is most saved or repinned by guys?

This one…


That girl is thicker than a hamhock without a single bone protruding from her body. So you all can keep on bashing bigger women, but just remember…there is someone for everybody.

If you’re coming in on Chapter 37 of my story, you have no business trying to leave a review of the whole book. Go find yourself some Cliff Notes and try to get up to speed. Or just wait for the movie.

***I do not own these photos. They are the sole property of their owners.***


Listen to Your Body…It’s the Only One You Got.

know your body

So over the last couple of years, I’ve been working out off and on. Till 2016 came and I decided to change my whole outlook on being more active. Now I’m thinking of working out like brushing my teeth. Whether you want to do it, whether you just feel like being lazy today, you still have to. Basically, working out is no longer a choice. It’s a must. And so I’ve been diligent since the first week of January.

One of the reasons I decided to make a lifestyle change is because as a writer, my life is very sedentary. And I started to notice weight gain (even more than my already chubby body needed) and other scary issues my body was using as clear warning signs. My feet and ankles started to swell to abnormal levels. Even lifting my foot to rest it on my knee as I put on socks had started to become a challenge. So not cool! I’ve been chubby most of my life, but it had rarely ever limited me to do daily tasks. Thus, these new issues truly scared me. So I decided to take a more active role in my overall health.

Not just weight loss, but health. If this was about weight loss, I would’ve given up by now because I’m finding at 37-years-old, losing weight is hard AF! Though it is coming off, just slowly.

Anyway, after only a short amount of time, I noticed the swelling in my feet and ankles was receding. After about two months, lifting my foot to my knee was back to normal. I still had major aches from working out and being older and heavier, but I figured it was okay because my father is a fitness nut and still gets aches and pains from his workouts.

know your body 2

I was going really hard 5 days a week, 45 minutes a day on the elliptical and then an extra 20 minutes with strength training from January to May. It was hard, but I was proud of my hard work. What I didn’t realize was that as I was going hard, I was wearing worn out shoes and positioning my feet wrong on the elliptical. I noticed that I had a pain in my left foot and ankle, but I didn’t want to slow down or stop. I just kept going and worked out through the pain. Big mistake…HUGE!

It got to the point that I just couldn’t do it and had to take a break. This break was two weeks ago. During my break, I got an ankle brace and these arch support things that help plantar fasciitis. When I went back that Monday, armed with my added support, it helped but still hurt like a sonofabitch. So I’m taking it easy. Only going for as long as I can before my foot starts hurting and switching it up and getting on the treadmill.

Moral of the story. It’s not only important to listen to your body when it’s telling you to get up off of the couch. But you also have to listen to it when you’re working out. Whether you’re working out wrong, pushing your body too hard, and/or wearing the wrong footwear. If I would have listened to my body, I could’ve gotten new shoes and changed up the way I run on the elliptical and wouldn’t be going through the mess I’m going through now. But I will not give up, I’ve come too far and feeling too good to stop now!

know your body 3

***I do not own the rights to these photos. They are the sole property of their owners.***

ATTENTION BOYS: Learn How to Please Your Lady in Bed!!!

how please a woman

And it is absolutely not porn!

This subject comes up because of a conversation I had last night with the next door neighbor. For Christmas one year, my mom had given her my Struck Series, which is an Erotic Romance series. Recently, her husband who has never picked up a book to read has decided to start reading my books during trips to the john. Now, he’s trying to get a little spicier in bed and asking her sexual questions. Like, “Have you ever done that when we do this?”

This got me to thinking. I’ve read articles about men not really knowing how to please a woman in bed. I’ve given men sex advice. And I’ve talked to other women who have been with men that had no idea what they were doing. I, myself have been with men that have no idea what they’re doing.

How is this possible?!?

As much as you guys love sex, talk about sex, think about sex, watch sex, and try to find ways to get sex; how have you not figured out what gets a woman off? The only logical answer is that you simply don’t give a shit or you think sticking your dick in a vagina is enough to get her there. Well, I hate to burst your bubble boys but you’re gonna have to put in more work than that. I know some of you puff out your chests with pride, thinking that you laid down some good pipe. Little do you know, that often after that your lady will call her friends and say “He thought he was doing something. Luckily, I have my Rabbit to finish the job.” For the clueless, the Rabbit is a phenomenal vibrator that is a magnificent replacement.

Anyway, there is no excuse for your continued ignorance with the plethora of information at your disposal nowadays. And please, NO PORN!!! I love porn as much as the next sexually progressive female, but it is not a good example of how to pleasure a woman. Most of those women don’t even orgasm. They’re faking for you, their audience, as much as your wife, girlfriend, or booty call may be faking it for you. All in an effort to boost your ego. Also, the rough nature in which many male pornstars treat their female co-stars isn’t something most ladies want when they get with you.

Well, where do I learn, you ask?

A good place to find out information on how to please your lady is in magazines. Magazines always have articles about this kind of stuff. But, if you don’t want to read it in a magazine, then all you have to do is go to Google or Bing and type in ‘How to pleasure a woman’. BAM!!! A whole slew of stuff should come up. Articles and videos if you don’t want to read, which I know many of you don’t.

man reading 5

Another great place to find out what your woman wants is right there on her nightstand. You know, that novel you’ve been rolling your eyes at every time she picks it up or talks to her friends over the phone or on social media about. The book that has that damn book boyfriend she’s always gushing over. Well, there is a reason for all that gushing. Erotic Romance hasn’t become one of the most popular genres for nothing.

So boys, put down those XBox controllers. Turn off SportsCenter. Pick up a beer and crack open her newest or favorite erotic romance and get to reading why she sighs and stares off into space after she finished reading it.

man reading 1

Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. While your buddies may be laughing at you, your girl’s toes will be curling as you take her into another stratosphere. And their girls will be listening on with envy as she tells them how amazing you’ve become in bed. Just saying…

***I do not own the rights to these photos. They are the sole property of the copyright holder.***