Seeking Alpha Male

Lion King of the wild

Male Lion in all of his glory

So I’m a writer. An author of Romantica (Romance with an Erotic flair). When I write these stories, more often than not the men I create are alphas with a possessive (not in a creepy  way of course) streak for the women they love. And let’s be honest for a moment, I usually write about what I want. And what I want is an Alpha Male.

And this has nothing to do with not liking nice guys. An alpha male can be a nice guy, but at the same time, he won’t be walked on or taken advantage of either. There is a difference. With that being said…

Unfortunately, alpha is not usually what I get. *frowns in frustration* What I get are super sweet guys that lay it on too thick, thinking that’s the way to butter me up. So many compliments pouring out of their mouths that it borders on worship and feels insincere. I’m not saying I don’t want or appreciate compliments. But I surely don’t want to be put on a pedestal that’s so high that I don’t have any choice but to fall from grace. And if you can’t think of anything else to say other than “you’re so beautiful,” you’ve got some problems.

I need someone to make love to my mind. I want to mentally orgasm when you drop your thoughts on life, love, and the world. I need someone that is confident enough to handle my strong personality. I need someone that will check me when I’m wrong. Not to agree with me for the sake of being agreeable.

Most of all, I need someone that is a bit of a dick. So that I feel comfortable being a bit of a bitch. If you’re sugary sweet to me ALL the time, I’m gonna feel like a complete asshole when I’m in one of my moods and snap at you. I need to know you’re not gonna get butt hurt when I yell at you for something. And I, in turn, will have to suck it up when you correct me for doing something dumb.

I’m seeking a man that will not only treat me like a queen but also put me in my place and then pick me up and carry me to the bedroom like the caveman I know you are deep inside. All I’m asking for is to be the Letty to her Dom. To be our very own, Mr. & Mrs. Alpha.

alpha 2

***I do not own the rights to any of these images. They are the sole property of their owner.***



My Love for M. Night Shyamalan


In this installment of Insightful Saturday, I’m taking a break from serious subjects and moving towards one of my favorite subjects of all time…MOVIES!

I just finished watching the movie Signs, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I own the movie by the way, but you know how it is. A movie comes on that you’ve seen a billion times and own it as well, yet you still have to watch it every time it comes on. Anyway, I digress.


Watching Signs reminded me just how much I love the majority of Night’s movies. I feel bad for him because he’s gotten such a bad rap. The Sixth Sense was such a phenomenon that every movie he wrote and directed after was measured by it. Was The Sixth Sense freaking incredible? Yes. Did it nearly make you poop your pants? Yep. Did it shock the living daylights out of you in the end? Fo sho! But let me tell you, if you forget all about that first movie and judge each of his other films based on their own merit, maybe people would think differently. And that’s what this blog post is about.


I loved this movie! In the nutshell, it was a movie about if superheroes actually existed. What’s not to love?! It was intriguing and drew me in. Several parts literally had me on the edge of my seat. And the way he wove the story. Suspense, romance, and heart.


I can’t even say how much I adore this movie. He took a story about losing faith in God and combined it with a dang sci-fi alien takeover-over-the-world movie. Whaaa?!?! And since I’m a firm believer in signs, it appealed to me that much more. Yes, maybe he took his time weaving the story, but that’s what’s so great about it. He gave you little morsels to keep you interested. And then he interjected so much humor, I was constantly laughing. Joaquin Phoenix was a comedic genius in it! And paired with Mel Gibson’s character’s dry demeanor, it was perfection. Even the kids cracked me up. It was so touching in so many ways as well, and then it scared the bejesus out of me too.

The Village

Sooooo many people hated this movie. Why?! Again, M. Night wove a suspenseful story. And the spin he put on the end had my mouth hanging up in shock. To be honest, with the amount of violence and cruelty in the world, sometimes I want to do exactly what those people did. And the moral of the story, humans are inherently violent creatures and there is no escape. Especially if someone as innocent as a mentally disabled man can commit violence.

Lady in the Water

Another one of my favorites! First, M. Night got the brilliant Paul Giamatti for the lead role. For whatever reason, when that man talks, you listen. This movie was created from a bedtime story M. told his children every night. And that’s exactly what it was. A fairy tale in the middle of the regular lives of this man and the tenants of the apartment building. It was so funny. Young-Soon, her mother, and Reggie were hilarious characters. Cleveland’s story and his defeated personality were heart-breaking. And that damn Scrunt was scary as hell! Watching Lady in the Water made me feel like a kid again. Which I think might have been the point.

The Happening

This was my least favorite, but I honestly think that’s only because everybody and their mama had been badmouthing his movies for so long, it had finally seeped into my psyche. I’d have to go back and rewatch it, to be sure. But I still loved, in my opinion, his genius take on how the Earth would react to our brutal treatment of the planet.


I have not seen the rest of his films in their entirety, because I feel like he was trying to step away from the storytelling I was used to and so fond of. The Last Airbender, I have no idea what the cartoon was like, so I can’t fairly judge how good or bad the movie was. After Earth, I just never got into. And my evil parents left me to go see The Visit. I need to rectify that situation soon, I just didn’t want to watch it by myself. Teehee!

Basically, from one storyteller to another, I love his form of storytelling. He takes these ideas. Some fantastical. Some normal everyday life. And then creates these unique stories around them. Many scary. Most touching, in some way. Even the movie Devil that he didn’t fully write or direct. He just came up with the idea and let someone else build from it. That movie had me rethinking my behavior and thinking about going back to church. As well as pooping my pants with fear.

To me, what makes a great movie is when it creates a discussion after. When it makes your mind whirl. When it makes you reevaluate your life and your beliefs. And to me M. Night Shyamalan has done that time and time again.


***I do not own the rights to the photographs. They are the sole rights of their owner.***

Beauty vs. Brains

I bring up this subject because a family friend posted a couple of pics of her daughter on Facebook. The very first pic was of her holding a certificate for Honor Roll. The next was of her playing volleyball and the last was of mother and daughter together. Her daughter is absolutely beautiful, but I immediately zeroed in on the fact that she’d gotten on Honor Roll. Some others did as well though many ignored her accomplishments as a smart girl and an athlete, and focused on her beauty instead. It annoyed me, that as usual, people focused more on the exterior than this girl’s intelligence. Both of her parents are brilliant doctors, by the way, so it’s obvious that it runs in the family.

I’m not saying that no one should tell a girl she’s beautiful. It is important to hear for a young girl’s self-esteem. Hell, it’s important for a grown woman to hear. But we are not just our exterior. An exterior that wrinkles, sags, and/or expands with age, I might add. But still society places so much importance on looks that’ll eventually fade, especially for girls. And it starts early. Case in point…

The difference in girls and boys clothing is blatant and disappointing. Like we’re supposed to sit and be beautiful and that’s it. When we focus solely on a girls looks, that is all she’ll think is important. But what is she left with once it fades if all she did her whole life was work on her reflection in the mirror? We have made some definite strides towards equality, but we still have a long way to go to show we’re more than just a pretty face.

There are so many successful and inspiring women in the world. And guess what? The majority of the most successful females are smart as hell and aren’t focused on just being pretty. Though pretty they most certainly are, make no mistake, these ladies radiate a beauty that can’t just be applied with makeup, fancy clothes, and flat-irons. When you focus on beautifying the inside, there’s no limit to the people you can and will inspire.

These ladies are just to name a few that you may recognize…

So remember this fact the next time you begin to compliment a family friend, sister, daughter, etc, on just her looks. It starts with us. “You are kind. You are smart. You are important.” Let’s change the world, not just decorate it.

***I don't not own the rights to these photographs. They are the sole property of the owner.***


I often hear people say that they wish they could go back to when they were a little kid or in high school or their 20s. You wanna know what I say? I say, “Fuck that noise!”

First of all, if you’re saying this, it means that you’re not enjoying the decade you’re in. Which always seems to be the case. When we’re kids, many of us can’t wait to be adults. And then when we become adults, we wish we were kids. No one stops to appreciate the now. Well, I have to say with complete honesty, that I loved and pretty much made the most of every single decade I’ve been blessed to have thus far. Well, maybe not my teen years, but I’ll get to that.

The Wonder YearsDecades 1

When I was little, grade school age, I loved it. I enjoyed playing outside, watching cartoons, going on family trips to amusement parks, even school. I ran through the grass, playing hide & seek. I army crawled with my brother in the woods. I ate cookie dough at slumber parties, while watching and reenacting Dirty Dancing. Other than being teased about my weight and getting in trouble with my parents, I loved being a kid.



The Awkward Years

Decades 22High school was a bit rougher. I was insecure and trying to figure out who I was. A lot of it was bad because I had a friend that wasn’t really a friend. She had my self-esteem so low that I walked down the halls with my head down and not making eye contact with anyone. But then I dropped her and found friends that actually complimented each other and made each other feel good about themselves. That’s when I went to parties, drank a few wine coolers and tried weed for the first time. Not a good experience, by the way. There was a lot of crying and talking about Jesus being ashamed of me. I really don’t wanna talk about it.

The ‘Party Like It’s 1999’ YearsDecades 4

In college and my 20s, I had a great freakin’ time! This was the time of learning to be independent. Well maybe not financially, but being away from my parents as I tried to make decisions on my own. I learned how to drink or how not to drink. I gained life-long friendships. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned about my sexuality. Boy did I ever learn that. Let’s just say, I enjoyed myself. I learned about relationships and how to be a girlfriend. I barely had a care in the world and didn’t think much about my future.

The ‘Time of My Life’ Years

Now, currently in my late 30s, I can say this has been the best decade thus far. I ended my twenties and celebrated my Dirty Thirty in Japan(can’t get much better than that) when I taught English there for a year. I came back to the States and moved back to my hometown in Illinois. After spending time in Japan, Taiwan, and Vietnam, Joliet wasn’t enough for me anymore and I packed up once more and moved across country to Long Beach, California. I spent four years there struggling to make ends meet and then packed up again and moved to Arizona when my parents decided to retire here. Here is where I figured out my calling. Figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. And the last three years, I’ve been working on building my writing career.

The 30s have been beautiful in so many ways. During this time of travel and self-exploration, I have learned many things. One of the best things I’ve learned is that  I do things in my own time. No one can dictate to me how I live my life. I learned that I don’t have to have a man to feel beautiful or to be happy. I learned that if I don’t want to have kids, I don’t have to have them. And fuck those who say otherwise. I learned what I wanted to do with my life and though it is a constant struggle, I love it. I learned that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, that shit’s just spray painted. Which taught me to stop worrying about keeping up with the Jones, but to outdo myself each and every year. I learned to love me in all my beautiful flaws and glory.


Onward and Upward

Now my 40s, I’m hoping that it’ll be the decade to appreciate all that I learned and worked towards in my 30s. I’m gonna name it and claim it! So it is written. So it is done.

Sterilization Celebration!!!

So now that I have health insurance again, I need to stop procrastinating and make a doctor’s appointment. And what’s the first thing I want to do aside from getting my annual check up? I want to get sterilized! Woot…Woot!!! Now, believe me, it isn’t something that I take lightly, but I’m very excited about it. I didn’t even know it was an available option until recently and couldn’t be more overjoyed. And I’m not ashamed.

You see, I wasn’t born with the mom gene. Most of my life, I’ve never seen myself as a mom. I’ve never truly wanted kids. The only times having children even crossed my mind was when I was dating someone and wondered what our kids would look like and how cute they’d be. That’s not a good enough reason. To me, being a mom is one of the most important, if not THE most important job there is. So it is also a decision that should not be entered into lightly.

Late and/or sleepless nights. Diaper changing. Constant crying. Fevers. Teaching them right from wrong and manners, which is sometimes lacking these days. Homework. Cellphones. Social media. Bullying. The already crazy world falling apart as we speak. College. A thirty-seven-year-old child still living at home with you (raises hand guiltily).

It is not an easy job, and definitely not one I’ve ever dreamed of having. But I love when people say, “But you’ve never felt a love like this before.” And that’s great for them, though what I don’t know, won’t hurt me. If it’s not something that I crave, how will I know that I’m missing something? Besides, I don’t have the patience for kids. At least not on a 24/7 basis. And although I can be a very nice person, I have a mean streak in me that no child should have to deal with. Which, whenever I say that I get the common statement, “It’ll be different when it’s your own.”

Well, riddle me this Batman. Are there, or are there not, mothers out there that should’ve never procreated? Case in point. A woman was just arrested for allegedly beating her child to death for not eating her noodles. If you know before you even have kids that you don’t have the patience or tolerance for kids…PLEASE FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. It is too big of a gamble to go off of the assumption that you’ll turn out to be a good mother. This is human life we’re gambling here, not money. I refuse to be a…

I also refuse to let anyone make me feel guilty for not wanting kids. So don’t be mad when I post about my Sterilization Celebration. I don’t get mad when you post Pregnancy/Birth Announcements. I celebrate and congratulate your babies, so there’s nothing wrong with celebrating my big decision, as long as it makes me happy.