Stop Drinking the Kool-Aid!!!

In another installment of Insightful Saturdays…

koolaidSo, with Donald Trump in the lead for the GOP candidate, more people endorsing him every day, and the awfulness of this country in general, I thought to myself “There has to be better than this!” I thought “We can’t be the only free country, right?”

Now, I don’t pretend to know a whole hell of a lot about politics and world economics or anything close to it. I don’t like politics and I don’t know enough about it to make educated arguments against one or the other political parties. But I do know how I feel and I do get a sense of when things just aren’t right. And there’s a whole lot of wrong going on in this country. Especially, speaking as a Black woman in this country. When you’re low man on the totem pole, the world looks a lot differently down here as opposed to being the king of the world up top.

I’ve always wanted to travel around the globe. I’ve already lived in Japan, visited Vietnam and Taipei, Taiwan. Though now, my main goal is to get to Europe and visit the countries there. But when I say travel, I’m talking about a very unconventional way of traveling. I’m talking about living in the places I want to visit for 3-4 months at a time and then move on to the next place. I’m a writer, so doing this could be possible as long as my books generate enough income for me to do it, which is not the case as of yet. One can hope and dream.

Anyway, the reason for my need to travel this way is because I’m looking for my “forever home”. And you cannot get a feel for a place as a forever home by just going on a week long trip there. You have to be there for months and spend time with the locals to get a feel for everyday life. For instance, Japan. Japan is a lovely country with wonderful traditions and amazingly sweet people. But it is not somewhere I want to live for the rest of my life and I would have never known that, had I not lived there for a year.

But before you make plans to move or visit anywhere, you kinda want to know what you’re dealing with. So we constantly hear in the U.S. that we’re the best. We’re the land of the free and the home of the brave. People always make it sound like we’re the best country in the world, which is why we’re always trying to keep immigrants out. Well…STOP DRINKING THE DAMN KOOL-AID!!! We are not the best nor the freest. Maybe we gave other countries the idea (I’m not really sure, since I’m not a history buff either. I think it actually might have been the Greeks that came up with democracy, but whatever), but in the years we’ve been pounding our chests and proclaiming that we’re the best, other countries have actually been steadily climbing up and surpassed us. And without the majority of us even paying attention to how it even happened. Just take a look at this article from August of 2015: http://dailycaller.com/2015/08/18/united-states-drops-in-overall-freedom-ranking/ We’re ranked number freaking 20 on the list!!! WTF!

Just look at this map:

Free World 1

Country ratings from Freedom House’s Freedom in the World 2015 survey, concerning the state of world freedom in 2014.   Free-In Green (89)   Partly Free-In Yellow (55)   Not Free-In Purple (51)

Eighty-nine countries are free!!! Well, according to this map from Wikipedia (So it might not be completely factual, but based on the articles I’ve read, it’s pretty damn close).

Or how about this map:

Free World 2

In Blue- Countries designated “electoral democracies” in Freedom House’s 2016 survey “Freedom in the World”, covering the year 2015.

In blue are all the countries you can vote in! Say what?!?

Please, don’t get me wrong. I love my country. But I think of it kinda like living in my parents’ house or my hometown. You raised me, you taught me well and gave me my values. But I’m older now. I’ve grown up and seen behind the curtain. I can see that I don’t agree with everything you believe in and I have my own opinions about the world now. So I thank you for making me into the person I am today, but it is time for me to see what else the world has to offer me. It’s time to leave the nest, but don’t worry, I’ll be back to visit.

So, I don’t know about you guys, but you can keep on drinking the Kool-aid they’ve been force-feeding us. I, myself, plan on getting the hell outta dodge the minute I can afford it. There has to be something better out there. And if not, maybe I’ll learn to appreciate my country more through my travels. At this stage, though…I doubt it.

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I wish I could change my skin color…

I know everyone gets tired of hearing “being Black is hard”, “we don’t get fair treatment”, “Black lives matter”. Even I get tired of hearing it, but when time and time again, we get overlooked, blatantly disrespected or treated poorly, it’s really hard to ignore. So the subject has to come up again and again, which is why it’s so tiring. It truly isn’t easy being black at times. And I really wish I could change…

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…my skin color to a darker more even shade of brown. Ha! You thought I was gonna say, “I wish I could change being Black.” Nope. Not on  your life. I’m just making sure you’re paying attention. And no, it’s not easy, but I love being Black. I really do want to be darker, though. My milk chocolate skin tone is too uneven all over my body. Dark chocolate skinned women seem to be more even all over.

Aside from that, I love the melanin in my skin. I love my natural hair. I can wear it in a fro and then straighten it the next day and add extensions, or wear braids for the next month or two if I so choose. As of right now, I’m aging incredibly well because of course as the saying goes, “Black don’t crack” and my parents look great for their ages too. Thanks, Barb and Hank!

I can dance my ass off and can sing relatively well. I know, not all Blacks can sing and/or dance, but there’s certainly a higher chance at birth of these God-given talents. Also, I’m a trendsetter (or at least, I’d like to think so). Regardless, I’m definitely a part of a culture that is known for setting trends. I can rock amazingly bright and bold colors in my wardrobe that makes my skin look like glowing mahogany. And through my struggles, I have become an even harder worker.

But this isn’t just about shouting out how great I am, it’s for anyone that feels beat down for the skin they were born in. You have so many phenomenal qualities that no one can take from you. Amazing attributes that often come from the skin you were born in.

So no, I don’t wish to change being Black for all the world. It’s the world I wish to change.

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The Unluckiest Demographic in Love

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This Insightful Saturday is a continuation from my post last week. Aside from Black women in general, there is a more specific group of women that have virtually been kicked out of the dating pool…

The educated/nerdy/classy/fashionable/chic/Chubby Black chick has to be one of the most overlooked demographics of women in the country, in regards to L-O-V-E. Speaking from personal experience and seeing the world with my own eyes, we get the short end of the stick more often than not.

Most of us aren’t interested in someone that is quote on quote “hood”, but every time I look up, I got some dude with a full gold grill on his ten-speed shouting out, “Hey Girl?! Hey! Can I get yo number?” More than likely, they see a woman that can take care of them, domestically and financially. A “mothering” type woman that can probably throw down in the kitchen.

Or we get the hick or wannabe “hood” white guys that like thick black girls. Unfortunately, we’re still too classy for that life. I want to be taken to the museum, not the Monster Truck show. I’ve dated one, trust me I know. Nothing like going to a NASCAR event and watch a pickup truck filled with white dudes, flying a Confederate flag. But hey, I was there for the free Goo Goo Dolls concert.

And let’s not forget the old perverted men of ALL races. Yep, we get the horny old lechers that still want someone young but no longer care what people think of the candy on their arm like their young counterparts do. Too bad I’m not into old balls, either.

We’re not necessarily picky people. But can we at least get someone with all of their teeth, not showing their drawers, and isn’t carrying their AARP card? Many of the black men that are similar to us, are only looking outside their race to date. And we all know that the majority of white guys out there are looking for someone slender. And even if they say they like a woman with meat on their bones, they’re talking big boobs and booty with skinny everything else. And that doesn’t even include their fear of dating someone black. Heaven forbid!

To the well-rounded men, we’re placed solidly in the “friend’s zone”. Most of them love and absolutely adore us. They think we’re hilarious. They ask us to help them dress to get the “hot chick”. They come to us for dating advice. Some of them even have sex with us (which ends up grudgingly being the best they’ve ever had), but still can’t see walking with us on their arm in the light of day.

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But what these men aren’t understanding is that our demographic is an untapped goldmine of sweet, intelligent, loving, fun and dare I say…sexy, group of women. Many of us just as satisfying, if not more so, than any other woman. Open those pretty eyes, guys! We’re here and we’re amazing!!!

 

 

why i writeWhich is the main reason why I decided to brand my books as Novels with Curves.  In the past, I couldn’t find a romance novel with a character that looked anything like me, so I took matters into my own hands. Why can’t the curvy, Black girl get the hot guy? So that’s what I mainly write… Adorably plump and sexy black heroines that snag the hot hero.

All my novels are for the underdog; black, white, Latina or otherwise. To give her a voice. If we can’t find ourselves on TV or on the big screen, surely we can at least find characters like us in the most intimate form of entertainment…books.

Plight of the Elevated Black Woman in America (Dating and Love)

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First, I want to say that I was going to write Plight of the Educated Black Woman, but there are more than just college educated women who have or are currently trying to elevate themselves out of the stereotypes that society and our own community lump us in daily. I.e. Out of the unemployment line and into the boardroom, out of public housing and into our own homes, off of food stamps and armed with a bank account.

With that being said, I’ve read quite a few articles recently speaking on the difficulties of dating and finding love for black women. And boy oh boy, it’s not looking good for us. At least not in the good ole U.S of A. One article talked about how our incredible strength could be hurting our chances because we don’t show our vulnerability, in turn, our femininity. One addressed the subject of some douche saying that no one wants us. Another said that it is very unlikely that we’d find love online using the ever popular dating sites (a truth I can personally vouch for). Or one that talked about the possible plethora of dating opportunities over in Europe because our beauty isn’t being appreciated here in the States. (Links for these articles can be found below.)

Being a single black woman myself, I definitely get the struggle. And it breaks my heart that my gorgeous sisters and myself are being so callously overlooked. Though, I refuse to believe that I will never find love because I’m a black woman. But it has not been easy.

Growing up, I was teased by my black community because I spoke properly, I liked to read, and received good grades. Along with the fact that I enjoyed music, movies, and TV that wasn’t “Black”. When it came to dating, it often appeared that I had more in common with white guys and others outside my race than within. But white men and other races seem terrified half the time when it comes to dating black women because of what other’s may say. And whenever I’m lucky enough to hit the jackpot with a black man just like me. He isn’t remotely interested and leans towards women of other races himself.

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Though, when it comes to dating white men, which I have, we also have to be careful and aware of the different types that are out there.

  • Type 1: The Avoider (Black women don’t appeal to me at all)
  • Type 2: The Undercover Lover (Hell yeah! But only behind closed doors)
  • Type 3: The Sampler (I wanna try it out just once. This one can easily turn into Type 2)
  • Type 4: The Bey (only if she looks like Beyonce)
  • Type 5: The Berry Picker (I only want black women. Blacker the berry and all that)
  • Type 6: The EOE aka The Equal Opportunity Employer (I just love women in general)

When it comes to Types 1,5, & 6 it’s all good because it often comes down to who you’re attracted to and that often can’t be helped. It’s 2, 3, & 4 that are dangerous. They’re attracted to us but with conditions and limitations. Often they will convince you that they’re Type 5 or 6 but after the deed is done, he doesn’t know your name or will hide you like a dirty little secret. There are plenty of 5s and 6s out there, but sifting through the BS can be treacherous.

So what if swirling doesn’t work out? What’s left for those of us that left the hood behind or never was there in the first place? Are we supposed to lower our standards and date a brother in the hood that isn’t striving for more? Or better yet, in prison? Because I’ve heard that too. That we shouldn’t be so picky and should be helping to elevate our brothers. Well, I’m still working hard at elevating myself. I don’t have time to convince a man that there is more to life than running the streets. This is why I’m currently not dating. When I’ve gotten my career and finances in order, is when I’ll be willing to reenter the dating pool. I’m just afraid that when I do, there won’t be much of a pool to join. Maybe I’ll just have to take my plump, swimsuit-clad self to a more all-inclusive pool overseas. But no matter what, I know that love will find me when the time is right. Swirl or not.

~Twyla

Strong Black Woman: Click here

Black Men Telling Black Women Nobody Wants Them: Click here

Online Dating Doesn’t Work for Black Women: Click here

Why Black Women are Being Told to Find Love in Europe: Click here

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A Letter to My Younger Self…

To my younger self,

You’re about to embark on a long struggle with your weight and body image. At 37, you still won’t be slender. And for once, you’re completely okay with that. In the course of 28 years; you will be teased, looked down upon, and go through countless yo-yo diets. But that’s not what I want to tell you. What I want to say is that your “fat” is going to make you into an incredible person that refuses to take no for an answer. Even the inner voice telling you no, won’t matter.

Being ripped apart because of your flaws has made you view the world differently. Where the world may see flaws in others, you stop to find beauty in the imperfections.

Being teased mercilessly, you have developed compassion and empathy for those who may not get it.

Boys ignoring your inner beauty only made you more beautiful on the inside, because you had time to focus on your mind, heart, and amazing personality. Instead of the outward things that will eventually fade with time.

Spending time with so-called “beautiful” people with ugly insides and “unattractive” people with beautiful insides, taught you to reserve judgment until you got to know a person.

Living the life of a beautifully imperfect woman brought you to your purpose. Your mission is to lend a helping hand in changing the world. Even if it’s just a small drop in a large pond, one drop can start ripples. The mission is to help women realize their beauty through the characters in the novels you will eventually write. For any woman, especially a young 18+ girl like you once were, to pick up one of your books and see herself in the character. Maybe standing a little bit taller, when she realizes she is not alone and that she too is beautiful.

Through your flaws, you found your beauty and your passion. So being fat isn’t too damn bad, because contrary to popular belief, you are not lazy. In fact, it made you work harder on the things that really matter.

Warm Regards,

You in the distant future